Snowflake Challenge: Day 13

[quietmoon]

Day 13: In your own space, set some goals for the coming year. They can be fannish or not, public or private.

Goals... Generally, I think I'm someone who's more motivated by the idea of winning than by the fear of losing. However, I've learned not to set many 'concrete' goals for myself (or ones that can somehow be materially met) because I'll stress myself out in trying to fill them and often work against my own self.

So, 'goals'... Let's look at it as hopes and intentions for this year going forward. I don't need a checklist of things to do, but I'd love to have some of what it's my heart down on paper to look at.

1. Only do what makes me happy in fannish spaces. Only write what I really want to be writing (not showing off to others), only interact with fans when I feel like it, indulge in the fic that I enjoy reading regardless of other people's opinions, and don't keep myself from watching or reading something because I feel guilty for not having written. Consume at will!

2. Make peace with my own company. I still have a nervousness deep in my chest regarding relationships and friends' perceptions of me. I know I still struggle to be as open as I would like, to let people get to know me. And when the fear and worry keeps me from doing so, I'l endeavour to keep remind myself of the following: "People will love you. People will hate you. And none of it will have anything to do with you."

3. Be open to new relationships. This is something I want to keep doing not only in fandom but in all aspects of my life. I've spent a long time closed off in self-enforced isolation, and although I'm a creature who values a little solitude now and again, the tipping scale between contentment and loneliness is vastly off kilter. So, moving forward, I hope to open my heart to new people and new experiences. I want to make more friends. ♥

4. Find the joy in writing again. I've spoken about this a little in a previous post, but to reiterate: I want to return to the stories that come from my heart, that I feel a connection to, that I write for the sake of writing and for the sake of sharing with others who might feel that same spark that I do. I want to... how might one say it... Put a bit of my soul in everything I write. (This doesn't mean everything needs to be heavy! God knows my heart is fit to bursting with terrible jokes as well.) I just want to feel connected to my stories again.

Those are the main goals that I can think of! I'd love to add a fifth because that really just looks so much more satisfying to my eye, but alas, my mind won't come up with any that feels genuine. Good luck to me and all the others with our goals~ (ღゝ◡╹)ノ

Comments

[oldtoadwoman]

excellent goals!

[quietmoon]

Thank you! I hope it will be a year of healing and good times.

[oldtoadwoman]

I'm working on that "only doing what makes me happy" thing. I have one last prompt fic that I signed up for which is due soon and after that, I am swearing off fic exchanges. I can imagine some people thrive on the challenge, but I get stressed over deadlines and fear of judgment, etc, and it ends up not being fun at all. Early on in my fandom experience, I got it into my head that I had to be "producing" stuff to be a "valuable" fan. It makes no sense—being a fan of a thing just means you are a fan of the thing—and yet I'll still slip into this mindset where I feel guilty that I haven't written or drawn more stuff than I have. But as soon as I try to force it, I lose touch with that sense of joy that made me want to write and make art in the first place.

[quietmoon]

oh my gosh the happy dance gif alsdkgh i love

Good for you!! I'm so glad to hear it. God, I feel the exact same way about fic exchanges. I've consistently made the mistake of thinking 'getting back into fandom' was synonymous with 'getting as Stuck In as possible' re: signing up for a bunch of events and exchanges. I never was able to follow through on any of them, and I ended up feeling so awful — both at giving up/failing, and for those for whom I was supposed to write something — that I swore them off. It was big bangs that were the worst, because it absolutely felt like I was dragging someone down with me... Ack. No. I won't be taking on any projects like this again for a while, definitely not until I feel super comfortable with my writing and my experience in fannish spaces in general. It's almost a mental health thing at this point lol.

being a fan of a thing just means you are a fan of the thing
this this this this this! I should write this out and post it to my wall lol, that's how much reminding of it I sometimes need. Nobody should feel guilty for not 'contributing' enough; we are fans for ourselves, not for others. The horrible pressure of feeling like you owe something can suck all the fun away (for me at least).

Best of luck with that lost prompt fic, by the way. Go easy on yourself and do your best. You can do it! *cheer cheer*

[oldtoadwoman]

oh my gosh the happy dance gif

This is Bear from Bear in the Big Blue House which I am too old to have watched but a friend was babysitting kids of the right age when this show was on and she recommended that I watch the show (I have a well-known fondness for Muppets) and I instantly fell in love. It was this weird deep sense of knowing this character as a long-lost friend and wanting to hug Bear. Eventually I figured out that Bear is designed very similarly to Big Bird so the puppeteer's body language comes through the same way so I think that's why Bear was instantly familiar to me. But also fluffy!

I was delighted when I found a gif of Bear dancing. (The original gif wasn't a perfect loop, but I was able to edit it down and make it work with very little effort.)

[quietmoon]

yes i did watch a bit of this show growing up actually haha (￣▽￣;) i just looked up the ending song and it's such a nostalgia trip, so comforting and homey.

the gif is utterly delightful. i never actually watched sesame street (or the muppets -- i'd like to get round to that one day!) but i love that you're so fond of them. i always found the bear's mannerisms so charming.

"It was this weird deep sense of knowing this character as a long-lost friend and wanting to hug Bear" ♥♥

[oldtoadwoman]

I cannot even begin to describe how much I love the Muppets and The Muppet Show is peak-Muppets for me. (I'm also fond of a show called The Jim Henson Hour which only lasted one season). I've literally written Muppet fanfic.

[quietmoon]

I just watched some of The Jim Henson Hour and found it really calming. It's been ages since I watched that sort of show. I'll definitely be queuing up some muppet episodes for the next time I need a day off or pick me up!